A collection of chess limericks

A limerick is a silly poem with five lines. It is often funny or nonsensical. It is also sometimes obscene.


It may have had its roots in 18th-century Ireland, although the form can be found in England in the early years of the century.


Here is a collection of limericks by Bill Wall posted in Chess.com . I enjoyed reading it and so will you.


There once was a player from Maine,
Who played chess on a fast train.
He took a move back
And was thrown off the track,
And he never played chess again.


There once was a chessplayer named Flo,
Who liked to mate, you know;
When you castled long,
She helped along,
and would say, “O - O - O.”


There once was a player named Maloney,
Who always played the Benoni.
But his counterattack,
failed to a sac;
And his Benoni was just baloney.


There’s something chess computers lack;
It’s not that they know how to attack;
They can fork and pin;
They may lose, more often win.
But they just will never talk back.


Postal chess is still played today
And no reason why I shouldn’t play.
It is nice and slow,
And I can use my ECO,
It’s the postage I can’t afford to pay.


This has happened to you, I bet.
You bring your chess set and didn’t forget.
Then you notice with shock
You have a broken chess clock,
And a piece is missing from the set.


The USCF rating system is inflated,
But the lower rated players are elated.
They can lose every game,
But their rating stays the same,
Or even become higher elevated.


A chessboard of a new design
that prevents an early resign.
With a different king
On either wing
The board must be 9 by 9.


A chess player known to be great,
Was anything but sedate;
When moving to win,
He broadly would grin,
And bellow: “That’s check - and mate!”


There once was a Grandmaster named Browne,
Who always wore a perpetual frown;
As he played blitz against Dzindzi,
The crowd got all cringy,
He said just one word, that was, “DOWN!”


MABOLO TOURANMENT. Aspiring sports journalist 13-year-old KC Morala, always active, sent this report on last Sunday’s event.


“USJR’s Felix Shaun Balbona again showed an elegant performance in Cebu City’s first Kiddies Chess Tournament of the year in Mabolo last Jan, 9. With 6 wins and a draw, Felix was declared the solo champion. He was followed by John Francis Balbona and Allan Pason, who both have six points. Diego Claro of UC got fourth place with 5.5 points.


The tournament had the 15-Under boys division and the 18-Under girls division. It was sponsored by Rose Pharmacy and other anonymous donors.


(boypestano@gmail.com,www.chessmoso.blogspot.com)


Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on January 14, 2011.