Friday, January 6, 2006

Chess jokes to greet The Year of the Dog

By Frank “Boy” Pestaño

It's good luck to start the New Year with some sense of humor. Here are some collected jokes from the Internet that will tickle your funny bone.

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why?” they asked, as they moved off.

“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

APPOINTMENT. A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!

“What’s it like, where you are now,” he asked.

“What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first.”

“Well, it’s really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they’re all here, and you can play them.”

“Fantastic!” the friend said, “and what is the bad news?”

“You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday.”

In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say:

“What a clever dog!”

But the man protests:

“No, no, he isn’t that clever. I’m leading by three games to one!”

The next joke is contributed by Atty. Ed Mayol

Question: Sino ang first chess grandmaster sa Asia? Clue: Ang apelyedo niya ay kapangalan nga isang piyesa sa chess set.
A - Carol King?

Hindi. Mas mababa pa sa King

A. - Al Quinn?

Hindi. Mas mababa pa sa Queen

A - Bishop Bacani.

Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa pa sa Bishop

A - Johnny Midnight (Knight).

Hindi. Mas mababa pa sa Knight.

A- Ahhhh si Anthony Pons

Hay naku, nabangit mo na ang lahat nang piyesa sa chess, maliban sa isa...... Isa nalang ang natira..

A - Ahhhhhh alam ko na.......... Si Sylvia de la Torre!!!!!

Q. Why can’t Episcopalians play Chess?

A. They don’t know the difference between a Bishop and a Queen

CHESS BAN. The Berkeley Board of Education voted last night to ban the game of Chess from all of its elementary, junior
high and high schools. The board claims that Chess has a negative influence on students because of the backwards and outdated thinking that was responsible for creating the game.

One board member compiled a list of seven grievances against Chess.

1. Chess is irrelevant to our society because it was created by dead white guys.

2. Chess encourages racism by having a ‘war’ between a white army and a black army.

3. Chess reinforces current racist tendencies in our society by always having the white army move first.

4. Chess glorifies war.

5. Chess oppressively reinforces heterosexual stereotypes. It does this by forcing each army to have a king and a queen and by not allowing the game to be played with either two kings or two queens.

6. Chess is guilty of breaking the separation of church and state by allowing a bishop to be a belligerent in war.

7. Chess destroys self-esteem. When children play the game, one always loses. Losing causes a child to feel dumb and inadequate.

“There is no place in our society for a monstrous game like Chess. Chess is dangerous. Chess is destructive. Chess teaches racial and sexual oppression. Chess has got to go!

Happy New Year!

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