Chess vs. sex

By Frank 'Boy' Pestaño
Chessmoso

“CHESS is better than sex.” This famous line by Bobby Fisher was controversial at that time and raised quite a few eyebrows.

Now, it is generally accepted that to some people the game is more enjoyable and more pleasant, and although you may not agree with us, there are a lot of chess widows out there who will swear and believe this.

Please don’t be offended by the following comparison between chess and sex as it is written in jest and the play of words is just to make you laugh.

First, there are hundreds of millions of mating positions in chess and they are always new compared to sex, which is limited. Also as soon as you finish a game you are ready for another one.

You don’t have to court your opponent and send chocolates and flowers before they agree to play.

You can drink, smoke and play chess simultaneously and your opponent never complains that you are moving too fast.

Even if you’re ugly you still get to play and ugly opponents don’t turn you off.

You can’t catch a disease from chess and still play even in old age. You can play with children or minors but in sex you can go to prison. Playing with the same gender is usually the case, but in sex it is an abomination.

Misplacing your pieces on the chessboard is at most inconvenient; in the bedroom it may be illegal. In chess, you can play with your clothes on and in public,. too.

And lastly, most players are satisfied with average size chessboards. We end this feature with a quote from John Barrymore, “Sex is the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.”

CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE. “Cannon to the right of them, cannon to the left of them, cannon in front of them…” best describes chess this week. To the right is the Kramnik vs. Leko Classical World Championship Match, to the left is the European Club Cup 2004, where most of the world’s top players collide, including Garry Kasparov, in front is the 36th World Chess Olympiad in Spain.

As the challenger, Peter Leko of Hungary needs 7.5 out of 14 games to take away the championship from Vladimir Kramnik of Russia. The match is being held at Centro Dannemann in Brissago, Switzerland and features a cash prize of one million Swiss francs or about $775,000.

After 11 games Leko is leading, 6-5, and needs to score only 1.5 points in the last three games to win the title. The winner of this match will challenge the winner of the Kasparov vs. Kasimdzhanov match for the undisputed Champion of the World title.

Meanwhile, there are 36 teams participating in the 2004 European Club Cup ongoing now in Cesme, Turkey, but only six teams are expected to be in contention.

To give you an idea of the strength of the players, here are the line-up of the first two teams: NAO Chess Club – Michael Adams (2740), Alexander Grischuk (2704), Etienne Bacrot (2718), Francisco Pons Vallejo (2678), Joel Lautier (2682), Teimour Radjabov (2663). Max Ven Ekaterinburg – Garry Kasparov (2813), Rafael Vaganian (2640), Aleksandrov Aleksej (2659), Konstantin Sakaev (2669), Alexander Beliavsky (2660), Alexander Motylev (2651).

The 36th Chess Olympiad, on the other hand, is being held in Calvia, Majorca, Spain starting yesterday until Oct. 31. The members of the RP Men’s team are Eugene Torre, Rogelio Antonio, Mark Paragua, Darwin Laylo, Emmanuel Senador and Jayson Gonzales while the Women’s squad is made up of Beverly Mendoza, Sherrie Joy Lomibao, Aices Salvador and Loreshyl Cuison.

There is a big problem though. As I write this, they don’t have Spanish visas yet and they are asking the help of foreign affairs Sec. Alberto Romulo. If ever they will arrive on time, which I doubt, they will probably be nervous wrecks by then.

KASPAROV VS. KASIMDZHANOV. Fide President Kirsan Ilyumzhinov has made an agreement with Sheikh Mohammed al-Maktoum of the UAE to hold the reunification match between Fide Champion Rustam Kasimdzhanov and Garry Kasparov in Dubai this January.

The prize fund is reportedly $1.2 million.

MAN VS. MACHINE. The Biology vs. Electronics Team Championship has just been played in Bilbao, Spain. The biological team was composed of Bulgarian wold No.5 Veselin Topalov (2757) Ukrainian world No.13 Ruslan Ponomariov (2710) and compatriot Sergey Karjakin (2576), who became GM at 12.

The electronic marvels were Hydra, Deep Junior, the reigning computer champion, and Fritz 8.

The result was a disappointing 3.5-8.5 loss by the humans. Both Fritz and Hydra scored 3.5 out of four games while Deep Junior had a negative 1.5.

Topalov drew three games and lost one to Fritz. Ruslan drew and lost two games while Sergey lost three but was the only winner.

BALBONA SIBLINGS. In what is perhaps the first in the history of Philippine chess, a team composed of three brothers and a sister won a major tournament. The team won the Elementary division of the Milo Little Olympics last week representing Colegio dela Inmaculada Concepcion.

The team’s members were Marq Gabriel, Felix Shaun, John Francis and Jessa Marie. They are the children of Cebu Executive and Professionals Chess Association (Cepca) member Felix Balbona. Congrats!